Devastation in the art room

When I was about ten, my parents sent me to an art class. A real art class in a real art room at the local university.  I remember loving it. The smells, the art supplies. 

I had painted a picture I loved and was so proud of. Then the girl next to me knocked her water over, turning my entire painting a dirty purple-brown.  I went off. I cant remember what i said but there were tears, some Yelling & freaking out.   The teacher removed me from the room and told me " it's just a painting ". Talk about devastating. I had used all my 10 year old passion to create this masterpiece and to her it was just a painting.  

I hadn't thought of this for years until I read the creative way. In this book, you really get to the bottom as to what stunts your creativity.  And when I started thinking about "enemies" to my creative spirit, this nameless, faceless teacher was top of the list.  As I work to regain confidence in my art, I have to face the things that caused damage to me in ways I didn't even realize.

The creative side

Yesterday at work, a friend of my bosses came in.  W started talking about all she does. She lives on a farm, raises and sells chickens, eggs, blueberries,  and other miscellaneous farm things. .  now she makes honey and skin care products. As she talked you could see her passion for this.  She left and I cried.  A part deep inside ached and I realized something that  I've known, but lately it's becoming clearer: in the busy ness of life, I got caught up in paying bills and doing what's necessary instead of pursuing my passion of creating while doing this.  I am thankful for my job, I really am, but I forget that I'm a creative person and by stuffing, suffocating that part of me... Well I've lost a part of me.  And that part hurts.  I'm rambling. Again.  I'm going to do some soul searching this weekend and try to start finding a balance...

The problem with lamps...

I was in w.lmart yesterday having a crisis of self. And you know why? Because I couldn't choose a lamp. A LAMP.  I was standing there, looking at all these lamps thinking, "it's practical, but is it me?" But then I think OMG, who am I?! What Do I like?!and I'm lost. I don't know what I like or what represents me.
And it scares the CRAP out of me.
In the past week, it's like my eyes were opened but I don't actually know what I'm seeing or how it's going to change me.
Talking to a friend the other day, I realized that I've gone thru a lot these last few years and in that, I lost a part of myself. So I started to question what I love and what makes me, well me.  I started from my earliest recollection of what I loved. Purple. Strawberry shortcake. And when I got into my teens, Prince.  I realized that in the simplest ways, that I still love these three things. They make me happy along with my family, of course...
So, not really sure where this leaves me except I guess my recreating of myself looks to be kicked into high gear this year...